How many days it has been since I last went blank? Totally Blank? Well, I think its been quite a few days now. The ‘new place hangover’ has still not left me. Maybe because I am not yet settled as well, maybe I am still not feeling as if I belong to this place… Maybe just because I am still living in a ‘hotel’!
I have stayed in many different cities, places where I’ve stayed at ‘home’. The feeling that I belong to that city, comes when I feel easy, I feel comfortable, I feel secure and spacious. I like to look forward… way ahead of the hour, the day and the years. I need space and time to submerge myself into a reality that maybe only I know of. Its been a pretty long time since I got either the space or the time to do so. But I suppose I shall get both of them pretty soon.
What happens when I go blank? Well… that is something which I myself need to figure out. Right now even as I hold the hot cup of tea in front of me, the time being just 6.30 am, peace is all that I strive for. Cold mornings, with the humble chirp of little birds in the air, the early morning flights of fantasies, those clouds in the sky that hide the rising sun so often from my eyes, that gentle chill in the overnight atmosphere… its just a perfect setting for me to start a fresh day. I dont think about the blanket of blankness… It just comes over.
Last night even as the car raced through almost empty streets of the city, my nose that didn’t let me breathe at ease, I was bad. I couldn’t breathe, neither my nose, nor my mind. I was jammed from thoughts.
Soon I shall be shifting out of a hotel and into a house, which I hope I’d be able to call ‘home’. At more than about two thousand feet above sea level, I’l stand and let the wind run through my hair but there wont be sand at my feet. I shall look at the green hills behind, and watch the rising sun. Hoping the clouds don’t block what I want to see, though I know it is far far away… far far away…
I dont want to go blank… but there are times when I crave for it…